Wednesday, October 26, 2011

a tender heart and a humble mind

"Finally, all of you have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind" 1 Peter 3:8

A wise friend of mine suggested this week that I read 1 & 2 Peter when I was struggling with some things here at nanny school. Peter's letters are so encouraging and humbling. There has been so much drama here at the dorms, but I can honestly say that some of it is my fault. I am not the first person to have sympathy, or love others, or have a tender heart, or to be humble. This experience has been such a reveler to what my heart really looks like. Which hurts but I know will be so good in the future.  The past few days I have been so nasty. I immediately criticize people, even if it's not out loud. I think that I'm better than people because I don't swear all the time and I do my own dishes. How stupid and petty is that?! It's really easy for me to blame all of my problems on other people instead of seeing that lots of the drama and the sadness and the lack of joy is because of my ugly sin. If I was full of Christ's word and His love, people gossiping about me wouldn't matter, drama wouldn't matter, and I would only be able to give out love. Instead of gossip, slander, and hate. I know that I am one of the few christians here, and I can preach and preach about it but I don't know that I always live it. I would really appreciate prayer for that. "Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it." 3:10-11

I have also been really struggling to wave my joy flag. I have fallen into a cloudy, eeyore Barbara, instead of a happy, joyful, Christ loving Barbara. I am homesick, I'm tired, my feelings have been hurt, blah blah blah. None of that matters, and I've just been really selfish. So I need to work on that, too. 

Other than that, I'm learning a lot. 

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