a tender heart and a humble mind

"Finally, all of you have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind" 1 Peter 3:8

A wise friend of mine suggested this week that I read 1 & 2 Peter when I was struggling with some things here at nanny school. Peter's letters are so encouraging and humbling. There has been so much drama here at the dorms, but I can honestly say that some of it is my fault. I am not the first person to have sympathy, or love others, or have a tender heart, or to be humble. This experience has been such a reveler to what my heart really looks like. Which hurts but I know will be so good in the future.  The past few days I have been so nasty. I immediately criticize people, even if it's not out loud. I think that I'm better than people because I don't swear all the time and I do my own dishes. How stupid and petty is that?! It's really easy for me to blame all of my problems on other people instead of seeing that lots of the drama and the sadness and the lack of joy is because of my ugly sin. If I was full of Christ's word and His love, people gossiping about me wouldn't matter, drama wouldn't matter, and I would only be able to give out love. Instead of gossip, slander, and hate. I know that I am one of the few christians here, and I can preach and preach about it but I don't know that I always live it. I would really appreciate prayer for that. "Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it." 3:10-11

I have also been really struggling to wave my joy flag. I have fallen into a cloudy, eeyore Barbara, instead of a happy, joyful, Christ loving Barbara. I am homesick, I'm tired, my feelings have been hurt, blah blah blah. None of that matters, and I've just been really selfish. So I need to work on that, too. 

Other than that, I'm learning a lot. 

ohio is cold!

I'm not sure how many of you are wondering, but not a lot is going on here in Ohio. The weather is getting colder, the homework is getting harder, and everyone in the dorm is getting sick. Also, right now we have NO toilet paper and NO paper towels. TMI? sorry. but that's real life. haha This weekend only 7/15 girls were here. so we all had fun at bdubs and just hanging out. It's nice to be able to relax on the weekends. I am pretty homesick. I'm just ready for this to be over so i can go home. right now i don't have a clear idea of what i'm going to be doing when i graduate. i keep thinking i have a plan, but God has a different one. and a better one. So I would appreciate prayer for wisdom and just following where God leads and not just trying to do everything I want. Even though right now i can't imagine doing anything else. Other than that, everything is good and I'm staying busy and having fun and trying to stay warm. It's COLD here!

15 girls. 1 house. you know the rest.

The fun and thrills of Ohio and living with a bunch of girls is wearing off a little. or a lot. Everyone, including me, is tired and stressed. I am letting my emotions rule me and i'm having a really hard time escaping the drama. I feel really trapped by everything that is going on. I am to the point that i just can't even talk because i'm afraid of what i'll say. I also don't really have anyone to talk to. I'm so used to constantly being really close to people that i can talk to all of the time. about whatever. I just keep praying. a lot. There is nothing else I can do. I know that this is really growing me but it's really uncomfortable. I am finding all my peace and comfort in Christ and He really is my closest friend.

I'm also REALLY homesick. I miss my parents, I miss my sister, I miss my friends and my little babies and kids at home. I miss TEC and my bed and my own room and home cooked meals. The idea that i still have 66 days left here is scary. I have a thousand things that i have to do before I leave. I million decisions to make. What I really need is prayer. I'm not trying to complain. I really do love it here. There are a lot of girls that are sweet and funny and Chagrin is really fun. My roommate is amazing and I don't know what i would do if I didn't have her as a roommate. and I'm learning a lot. But I'm also struggling. But it's a good struggle. I'm stretching me and growing me and I really just have no where else to turn except Christ.

Nanny Life

It's been a very exciting week here at ENGS. We had a defensive driving class in Cleveland at AAA which was exciting and LONG, but i know a lot of things about how to drive safer and install carseats the right way and about the importance of carseats. Some of which i didn't know and which some people at home are doing wrong according to AAA. Also, In Ohio, double stops at stop signs are illegal. You are not supposed to stop at a stop sign until you are far enough up that you can see on coming cars, but if you hit a pedestrian in the cross walk, no big deal i guess. Ohioans have weird driving laws. Also, a producer from Zoo productions, which makes shows like Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? and different shows on MTV, CMT, etc came to take some video of our classes and dorm life and things like that. It was crazy. He wanted us to basically cause as much drama as possible. Just think of it as Jersey Shore + Nannies Gone Wild. Not good. Parts of the day were fun though, and we all got free dinner at Rick's. I've been really sick this week with a fever, stuffy nose, sore throat, stomach ache, fatigue, blanket of death etc. So when one of the girls came into our room last night at 11:30 saying the smoke alarms were going off and there was some sort of burning chemical smell coming from upstairs and we all need to get dressed, pack a bag, and go outside, I was not thrilled. Everyone was freaking out and causing drama and I just kept getting frustrated. Probably not the best response, but I was really drugged on Nyquill and Ibuprofen and I felt like death. I kept saying "there is nothing wrong, i just want to go to sleep." I was kinda whiny. Sorry guys. So anyway, Mr Gaylord, a guy from the School office who is like the head hancho, came over to check it out and ended up calling the fire dept. A few girls were throwing up or feeling sick and had a headache. There was also a strange smell. Well the CFFD and CFPD came (in a town like this, they don't have anything else to do anyway) and couldn't find anything that was going to kill us and we just aired out the house and finally got to go to bed around 1:30 am. And I slept in until 11 this morning. It was a very exciting night. In our Children's Lit class, we all are going to write a paper about our favorite children's author, and I picked Sandra Boynton. If you don't know who that is, you should google her. She's awesome. I never thought i would be writing a paper about her, though. Today, it was 85 degrees and SO nice and sunny and beautiful. My roommate Haley and I went downtown and ate at dave's and got quarters for laundry and went to the library. The library here has an AMAZING movie collection so i got a few to watch. It was REALLY hot so we went back to the dorms and watched movies and did laundry and cleaned a little. Then when is was cooler we went to town again and got ice cream at The Popcorn Shop. Which is amazing. We took pictures of the beautiful trees and sat by the falls. It was a good day. Tomorrow we're going to a church called Fellowship Bible Church. So we'll see how that goes. God has been so good to provide good friends. I'm really excited to see where He takes me after my time here and He is changing my heart a lot. Right now I'm still planning on coming back to Washington to get a job in the Seattle area, but I know that God has plans, too. So that could all change which is really scary but really exciting. I'm starting to think change isn't so bad.

nanny diaries

WOW! This week has been so crazy and SO fun. I moved into the dorms on Sunday and I love my roommate! She's from Chicago and she's so sweet! I'm really thankful that God gave me her as a roommate. He knew what i needed.

Classes started on monday and we jumped right in. I was a little overwhelmed but everything is SO interesting and things I actually want to learn. I love it! We have to read a lot but it's all really interesting. There was even an entire chapter on strollers. That's serious business! We also had a class on person safety by a guy named pat malon. Seriously, google him. He's creepy.

Every Friday we go to a practicum family and yesterday was the first day. I LOVE my family. They have four girls and they're are SO amazing. I'm really excited to get to know them better.

Dorm life is really weird, but really fun. We have 15 girls living in the dorm ages 18-40. so it's interesting at times. also, we have mice so that's fun. We have movie nights and study dates and dance parties. Tonight is Taco Night. I know you're jealous.

Today I bought a new MacBook Pro! My Macbook wasn't able to get fixed and was having issues :(

Tomorrow I'm going to parkside church and I'm really excited! Have a Nice Day!